Goosed

An old story I wrote based on the fairy tale, “The Goose Girl”

I am not sure where to start this, I don’t even know how I got here. It’s horrible. How did this happen? I remember the first time I met he, we were about to leave on our journey. I wasn’t expecting to enjoy myself but Elizabeth was kind and wonderful albeit shy and unsure. And that stupid horse, would he ever stop talking?

We left on a Monday morning, it was spring and the countryside was gorgeous. Even the farms were beautiful with their neat rows of vegetables, not yet overgrown like time makes them. At first, I kept my distance from her, she was lovely and shy and I knew my place. She sat on her horse and braided her hair, singing softly. It was because of that neurotic horse Falada that we became friends.

“Elizabeth, did you brush your teeth this morning?” ”Elizabeth, your mother wouldn’t like it if you didn’t eat your bread” “Elizabeth, don’t you think your humming is a little off key?” On and on! What a nag! It wasn’t right, and poor Elizabeth just tried to ignore him.

Finally, I said to the horse, “Don’t you think that’s enough? It’s a long journey to question everything she does or says.”

The horse gave me nothing more than a “hurumph” and continued with his barrage. I rolled my eyes at Elizabeth and she burst into a fit of giggles. Of course I joined her and we barely stopped laughing when we came to a stream to refresh ourselves. It was there we met Sophia.

You could feel the change in the air when they looked at each other. Sophia was Amazonian, strong and lean and confident. She dressed in pants and had fish that she had caught strapped around her chest. She stooped to drink from the stream and Elizabeth followed. I hurriedly got the golden cup for her to drink, but she was down on all fours just like Sophia and I stood there holding the cup, dumbfounded. When she got up, she was more radiant and beautiful than I had ever seen her.

Suddenly we heard from her bosom ”If this your mother knew, her heart would break in two.” Elizabeth pulled a bloodied white handkerchief out of her bodice and explained that her mother’s blood on the handkerchief was a talisman for her wedding. She stared at it a moment, then looked to Sophia, smiled and let the handkerchief go. It floated downstream a little ways and then went under.

Sophia invited us to camp with her and Elizabeth accepted readily. She cooked for us, entertained us, made us feel special, even me, but it was all for the benefit of Elizabeth. You could tell they loved each other from the minute they met. Elizabeth slept outside with Sophia while I slept in the tent that Sophia fashioned. They had to keep Falada away from the camp, he would have kept them up all night.  I had heard of that kind of thing before, but never had thought much about it, never thought of it being bad. I liked her, liked them both. Does that make me bad? Does it?

The next morning she asked me to switch. Switch everything, clothes, horses, everything. She wanted to be with Sophia. She didn’t want to marry some man she didn’t know and be miserable. She never cared for the power she just wanted to be happy. Okay I said, why not. Me, a handmaid, to be a princess, it was more than I ever dreamed. But to marry a prince, someone I didn’t know? It couldn’t be that bad.

We rode to the castle, me on Falada, she riding my horse and Sophia running away to hunt then catching up and walking beside Elizabeth. And that Falada, yackity yackity yack. Would he ever shut up? On and on about “If this your mother knew, her heart would break in two.” The next night, Sophia decided that when we got to the castle, I should request the king take care of that horse.

When we did get to the castle it was exquisite. There was fanfare and celebration at our arrival. The prince was a prince. I was so relieved. We were married the next day, and even the marital bed was good. I could do this I thought. I had to catch myself from being too self sufficient, lest they suspect something, but I was happy.

They took Elizabeth and made her a goose girl. She moved in with a family of goose herders and was to help a boy named Conrad take the geese to pasture everyday.  She had become more organic on our journey, so I thought it wouldn’t be too bad. At my request, they killed the horse, Falada. I hated to ask, but Elizabeth and Sophia both thought it best. I did too, really, that horse was horrible.

I went to see Elizabeth one day not long after we arrived. She was in the field, braiding her hair saying

“Blow, blow, thou gentle wind, I say,

Blow Conrad’s little hat away,

And make him chase it here and there,

Until I have braided all my hair,

And bound it up again.”

And the goose boy’s hat flew off his head, and he began to chase it over the field.

She was not only more beautiful but more sure and purposeful. She had learned confidence. It was then I saw Sophia approach and the two lovers embrace. I interrupted them but they were happy to see me and we talked all morning.

Elizabeth told me they had nailed Falada’s head to a gateway in town and it was still talking. Every time she passed, Falada would say,

“Alas young queen how ill you fare.

If your mother knew

Her heart would break in two”

We were hopeful that the horses ramblings wouldn’t amount to much, but still very cautious. I asked Elizabeth if there was some spell she could cast the shut the dead thing up, and she said that she couldn’t, the magic that made the horse speak was too strong.

Elizabeth said that the family she lived with was very nice. And as long as she could see Sophia during the day she was content. Even without all the riches? I wanted to know. She said yes, it was a different life but one she chose, not one that was chosen for her.

They asked me what it was like with the prince, I said it was like a tickle that went deep into your stomach. They both laughed and I still don’t know why. I told them the nice clothes and good food were the best things about being a young queen.

Sophia and I left Elizabeth when her hair was almost braided and we knew that Conrad would be near.

Three days later the king called a banquet. We had wine and roast and fresh strawberries and bread and more wine. I never knew it could be so good, so I drank and then the King asked me what would I do to a servant that went against her master.

I thought of Elizabeth and how wonderful she was to me and how I would not stand for anyone to hurt her. “She deserves no better fate than to be stripped entirely naked, and put in a barrel which is studded inside with pointed nails, and two white horses should be harnessed to it, which will drag her along through one street after another, till she is dead.”

“It is you,” said the aged king, “and you have pronounced your own sentence, and thus it shall be done unto you.”

Elizabeth came to see me in the dungeon and explained that she had told the king about our switch.  She had no choice. Conrad had complained to the king about her daily vexing and about Falada’s gibberings. The king followed her and arrested the lovers. He threatened to kill Sophia while his lackeys held her head in a heating oven and so she told him everything. Now she was to marry the prince, my prince, and they made Sophia leave the kingdom. She was so sad and defeated. She didn’t know she would be trading my life for Sophia’s, it just happened that way.

And now here I am, about to die, of my own pronouncement and poor Elizabeth and Sophia, what will become of them?