There’s nothing harder than telling someone something they don’t want to hear. I wonder if that isn’t more of a young persons thing, though. Once you get older and set in your ways, hard talks become just talks, you become immune to what other people think or maybe just selfish, finally, caring about your needs and your authenticity.

My heart goes out to those youthful people who have to have hard talks, though. I can remember my wrenching guts, my obsessive thoughts, my almost out of body experiences (dissociation? I was so uncomfortable in my own skin) when I was in those situations.

I wonder if middle aged people who date have those same feelings. How do they change? I was young and in love, never older and wiser. Do the hard conversations get easier?

Maybe with age and wisdom, we let the light in a little more and that kills the anxiety.

I started the coaching cohort for my Clifton Strengths and my top strength is empathy. I wondered about that, not because I’m not empathetic, but as the top strength?! Come to find out, thanks to my coach, empathy uses negativity like candy, always pinging that serotonin. And maybe that’s why I am wired to love stories, to go on that ride of conflict, so I can empathize with the situations. I also have high Significance, which means that if I show you my writing or any vulnerability and you don’t fall head over heels in love with me and my creations, I’ll be devastated. Not so good when you need to hear that hard talk. I know when I first started going to critiques I really wanted people to love me. I guess I still do, but I also want my writing to get better so it’s a trade off. I also am stubborn about what I want to say, and so it’s hard sometimes to make those pivots that make your writing better.

I guess you gotta let in the light.

I got two rejections after sending in two pieces last week. Better than never having sent anything at all. Also, it takes so much time to research these places where your stories might fit. That’s the biggest drawback for me right now. Besides that they may need more editing. Just the time. And, I’m writing a new book, a romance, so I have had my head immersed in that, more than anything else. I have the first few beats, but need to know more backstory about my male lead. My female world is so interesting to me. It’s all unicorns and rainbows, I swear! I’ve been researching medieval castles and Roman aqueducts, communal living and shared resources. What does that look like? It’s a relief to me in these times to have that kind of fantasy, which was likely the kind of fantasy that gave us democracy. I am loving imagining a country ruled by women/feminist ideals, that would be a very happy existence and fulfilling for the inhabitants. But, as you might expect, there’s always a kingdom trying to rain on everyone’s parade.

In my story, the lovers are older. They’ve been molded by time and experience. How do they have hard talks? Do they get sweaty and nervous? Do they lie to protect themselves from vulnerability? What strengths in the Clifton canon would they possess? Would they let in the light? Would it cast shadows? I feel a new conflict spiking my dopamine and two characters to feel for.

Peace.